Diary of a Snow Shoveler

December 8 - 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!


December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!


December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow.. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.


December 14 - Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.


December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.


December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.


December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.


December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The dam snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.


December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the butt hole is lying.


December 23 - Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.


December 24 - 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.


December 25 - Merry fricking Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.


December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.


December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.


December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. My WIFE is driving me crazy!!!


December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?


December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his BUTT. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.


December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.


January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Funny Friday - 2/19/10

Better than a Flu Shot!
Miss Beatrice, The church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed himinto her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat whileshe prepared tea...
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat..
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and itsstrange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me aboutthis?' pointing to the bowl.'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the

Work in Progress Wednesday - 2/17/10

It's been a few weeks since I've done a WIP post, but have made some significant progress on projects since then.

I FINALLY finished the custom doxie sweatshirt I've been working on for months. My heartfelt thanks go out to the very patient buyer!!!

I've made several different magnets. Some of them were for custom orders and some are available for purchase in my shop. I have more I'm working on. These are much easier to carry to and from the office and work on when I can get 15-30 minutes of stitching time on my lunch than toting around the larger projects.


Here's a blast from the past...the mouse pad I started months ago! It was put on hold for other custom orders and I just pulled it back out 2 days ago. I'm considering it one of my "larger" projects so I've only been stitching it at home in the evenings. Not to mention, it's on my favorite new medium...vinyl aida!! Hopefully by the time my next WIP post rolls around I'll be finished with it and it will be posted in my shop.

I've included links in all the pics that will take you directly to that item in my shop for those that may be interested in getting more information.

Stay tuned as my next WIP Wednesday post will be in the next 2-3 weeks.

In the meantime, feel free to check out my sister's new shop, LisasLivables, that she is working on stocking.

Vegas Trip - Day 1

As many of you may know I took a trip last weekend to Las Vegas. Not only was it my first time in Vegas, it was my first ever "Girls Trip"!!! No kids & no husbands...and we had a blast!!!

We decided if we were going to have a wild weekend we should start it out right...drinks on the plane starting at 9:30am as soon as the first beverage cart came around. I must say, I think it has been about 20 years since I had a drink that early in the morning. Thankfully the sensible mom in me made sure I had breakfast at the airport. I'm not too keen on flying, but it was a great flight and the smoothest landing I've ever experienced. Thanks to the great pilots, whoever you are!

We had scheduled shuttle transportation, but didn't end up needing it as our old boss (who recently purchased his own restaurant franchise in Las Vegas) picked us up from the airport.

First stop...Firefly* Tapas Kitchen and Bar. That was another first for me. The food was awesome and the 2 pitchers of Sangria weren't too shabby either. Found out I rather like the Sparkling Peach Sangria...I think I know what I'll be making this summer.

After spending a couple of hours at the restaurant it was time to check in at the hotel. We got great rates at The Flamingo. Even though it's one of the older hotels, it's centrally located on The Strip and when you're only there to shower and 3-4 hours of sleep a night, who needs a fancy hotel room?!

Unfortunately it rained the entire weekend, so I don't have near as many pictures as I'd like and some of them are a little dreary. And no, I'm sure some of you will be asking...we did NOT go see the Donny & Marie show!

Even though it was raining, we're in Vegas and there was lots to do. We took advantage of some girl time to stroll The Strip and see some of the great casinos/resorts along with doing some window shopping at places we could never dream of being able to afford!



One of the items on our "must see" list was The Venetian. Since Italy is not only my dream spot on where to vacation, but where I want to live, we figured it would be as close as we were going to get for awhile. It amazes me how several of the resorts are designed to look like you are outdoors of whatever city they are representing (Venice, Paris, Rome, etc.). And what is a trip to Venice without a gondola ride on the canal??? (thought I'd have a little fun with this photo since I really HATE having my picture taken and use the cartoon feature on my camera).


After a quick trip back to the hotel room for dry clothes (it was down pouring by the time we came out of The Venetian) and a quick power nap it was out on the town for the night. We were able to catch the tail end of the fountain show at The Bellagio, went to Paris for dinner (at an Italian restaurant...wtf?) and then spent quite a bit of time in the piano bar. Let me tell you the guys playing those dueling pianos were awesome!!! They perform there every Friday night. I just wish it were local, as I would go see them often!My first attempt at adding video to my blog has failed. I'll try again and hopefully I'll be able to share the video of the fountain show at the Bellagio.

That is all I'm willing to share of Day 1 in Vegas, because we all know the saying..."What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!".

Stay tuned for Vegas Trip - Day 2.

Funny Friday - 2/12/10

Sick of angel emails?

Ok BE HONEST...how many of you REALLY ENJOY getting little angel love notes from every person in your address book? You know the ones with "I love you so... here's an angel" .. and some mushy poem crap....

And like the cute wasn't bad enough, they then THREATEN you with bad luck if you don't send it on to others!!


So here's my version:

Take the fairy dust:

Add it to one of those angels


And POOF!!!!...




He's good luck because he probably made you smile.

When you're finished trying to see up his loincloth,

(AND YOU JUST LOOKED AGAIN, DIDN'T YOU??),

why not send this on to some of your girlfriends to make them smile, too?

One for the girls :

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the Lord my shape to keep.

Please no wrinkles, Please no bags

Please lift my butt before it sags.

Please no age spots, Please no gray

As for my belly, Please take it away.

Keep me healthy, Keep me young,

And thank you Lord, For all you've done.



Foot Note:

One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:

'If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're
nuts.'

ETSY ARTISTS EXPOSED

I made it back from my weekend girls trip to Vegas to find that VickiDiane was able to get an Artists Exposed treasury for the I Buy You Buy thread I paricitipate in daily. If you have an opportunity, please stop by and get a peak at some of the great Etsians you probably see in the forums on a daily basis.

http://www.etsy.com/treasury_list.php?room_id=111649

It expires on Tuesday 2/9/10 at 4:45pm EST so you have until then to see us all
:)